Things People Say In Music Stores

“I’m a real good singer. How long does it take to get famous?”

“I wrote this amazing song and I’m sure it will be a hit. All I need is a melody and some chords.”

“I once played a gig for Paul McCartney’s son’s cousins cook.”

“My band sounds just like (insert famous band). Do you think we have a chance?”

“Can you teach me some of those million dollar licks?”

“As soon as I buy (insert expensive product) I’ll sound just like (insert famous musician).”

“I remember back when I was hanging out at the pool with Aerosmith and Elton John, and Peter Frampton walked in and asked me whether I could give him Madonna’s phone number so he could buy a guitar from Mick Jagger. Yep, that was me.”

“I need to buy a guitar for a gig this weekend, but my ex-wife’s boyfriend needs to hock his trombone to get the money. Could you lend me one instead? I’m good for it.”

“I’ve written about 200 songs, and I never even had learn to play an instrument. It’s all about the feel, man.”

“I bought $20,000 worth of gear and built a recording studio in my basement. I only need to know one thing – how do you mic a guitar amp?”

“If my ex-wife hadn’t kept me from playing music I would have been famous by now.”

“You got a recording studio here? Could you teach me everything I need to know about recording so I don’t have to come in here and do it? I’ve got at least an hour.”

“I got a gig this weekend. Do you lend out PA systems? Oh yeah, and a drumset. And some cords. Just asking.”

“I once tried to fix Huey Lewis’ Dad’s dat tape machine.”

© 2014 Leo Bidne

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